Apart

I can feel you
You're near me
With me, beside me
But I awake
And that's all it was
It's all just a dream

The tears that fall
They fall for you
Eternal loneliness
For sure, without you
I catch my breath
It's all unreal

Can we just go
With you by my side
But tides have changed
You're swept away
The sound of your voice
Engraved in my mind

Don't you know
This will never be over
We're together
But physically apart
Still it's you
You're in me too

-------
It's a poem that I wrote last night because I couldn't sleep. It's not polished, mind you since it has been eight years since I last wrote a poem but it is what I feel. I have been thinking about a collab boss, don't you think it's time we do that? We tried it once, but failed. I know I'm dropping hints here and I hope we can do it. I think it's time you take out your guitar and refine this poem. Love you.

I'll Be Home for Christmas...

if only in my dreams...

I used to listen to that song over and over again once December starts. Sang by The Lettermen, I never realized the true meaning of the words until I wasn't home for Christmas.

This Christmas, marks the second Christmas that I will spend away from home and now away from P. This would have been our first Christmas as husband and wife but we cannot control fate.

With Christmas just around the corner, I am filled with melancholy. Christmas songs always on the radio and Christmas commercials on T.V. is something that can make one sick especially if they spend Christmas away from home.

It's not gift giving and it's not the food but it is the being in the midst of your family that makes Christmas a special holiday for all of us. It might be because we Filipinos spend it differently from others, although maybe it is not that different for those who know the true meaning of the season.

My mom and I have been planning what to do during the holidays. We won't cook and I'm sure we won't decorate at all; these are just reminders of what we would have had where all of us are together. Lonely eh? But I do know that I will spend my Christmas in my dreams.

May your holidays be merry and bright. Merry Christmas!

Music Mania: Lightning Crashes by Live

I'm not much of an alternative or rock fan, mind you. But I swear I grew up in the wrong generation! Oh sure, I had my Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls year but I now cringe at the thought of loving them at all.

I'm not saying they're not good at all! Heck, I enjoyed them way back when but I swear once I was educated to the finer arts of alternative, rock, and heavy metal, all these "boy bands" and "girl bands" paled in comparison to the real bands!

Aw, I haven't actually turned into a black clothing rocker chick with heavy eyeliner but I have already begun to appreciate their songs. I guess it's because their poetry is so unique and it speaks right to the heart. They might not look like much (I beg to differ, though) with all their hair and ratty clothes but man can they sing! Today though, some of these guys are H-O-T (they're second to you Boss).

When I read Pyertubs' post, I immediately remembered the song Lightning Crashes by Live. This was one of the first songs that I fell in love with and I have to credit Pyertubs on that one. I was busy renaming and arranging all our songs (yes, all our songs where stored in my lappy and he just synced his pod with my lappy) I came across the band Live and started listening to their songs.

I know Pyertubs remembers how much I loved this song and we even talked about what the song means. He's one who really loves to dissect a song and analyze it and I have to admit, that makes the song more memorable.

This song is a bit confusing though but it does have a deeper meaning. To sum it all up, it basically means that in the midst of death and sorrow, happiness will always shine through. Well, I'll leave the rest to your imagination!

Lightning Crashes
by Live

lightning crashes, a new mother cries
her placenta falls to the floor
the angel opens her eyes
the confusion sets in
before the doctor can even close the door

lightning crashes, an old mother dies
her intentions fall to the floor
the angel closes her eyes
the confusion that was hers
belongs now, to the baby down the hall

oh now feel it comin' back again
like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
I can feel it.

lightning crashes, a new mother cries
this moment she's been waiting for
the angel opens her eyes
pale blue colored iris,
presents the circle
and puts the glory out to hide, hide

Weekly Fest: Now & Then

Credits

I hope I'm not too late girls! I've finally found and scanned a few of my old photos. Now, I know I have a few old photos with me because they're back in the Philippines tucked away in a box somewhere.

That first photo was taken for my preschool yearbook [read Portal 1991]. I don't have vivid memories of that photo shoot but I can recall my reluctance in posing for the camera. I was a total shy child years ago. Unfortunately, that's not the case today (wink*).

The second photo was taken during my awkward years in high school [Sophomore year]. Please note the braces; I hated them and yet, I'm all smiles!

The third photo was taken for my high school yearbook a few weeks after the Miss High School Pageant in 2000 which explains how thin I was! I lost a lot of weight back then - and gained them all back and then some a few years down the road!

The fourth photo was taken in Dipolog after our high school graduation. My barkada and I went to Dapitan and Dipolog to spend a week at Mami 'Pril and Ate 'Pril's (yes, both of them are named April) place. We wrecked havoc on the places where Jose Rizal once walked and toured his old abode. I thought it was quite appropriate for us to visit his shrine because our section was named Rizal.

In the fifth photo, I enthusiastically posed for the camera on my 18th birthday. This would mark my love for posing in front of the camera [read narcissism]. Hey, there's nothing wrong with loving myself!

The last shot was just taken yesterday when we went to Griffith Observatory just above the Los Feliz neighborhood in California (more photos later).

This fest is brought to you by:
Momma Wannabe | The Pinay Blogger | Jadeliscious

Remembering the Magic

"Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come, my baby
We might have took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday

They said, "I bet, they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together, still going strong.
~Still the One by Shania Twain

I've been looking through all my diaries dating back to 1995...that long, eh? Well, before blogging was the IN thing, I was pouring out my thoughts, feelings, and day-to-day woes to my diary! Hahaha what's more, I even got a name for her (yes, she's a girl). Di and I have been through a lot together and when I read a few entries on the most recent one, I blushed! I can't believe all the stuff I wrote in there! Most of them chronicling my whirlwind (?) romance with Pyertubs!

Yes boss, I have them in wrting and no you can't look! I can't even read some of them because of their corny-ness and then some. I even wrote down possible reasons why I fell in love with Pyertubs [blush*]! I don't know if he can remember some of those times and I admit, I even forgot about the others. They were not so significant but it is a part of the fabric of our lives.

As I leafed throught the pages, I saw a few important text messages from Pyertubs. I'm not posting them here, though. They're for my eyes only! But I'll only say that we were crazy when we thought that our relationship was wrong. Some of the messages, from Pyertubs especially where heartwrenching. Back then, we thought that we weren't right for each other at all. Back then, I was also at a crossroads.

An entry did catch my eye though. It went "I didn't know ingon ani ko ma-in love ni Pierre (I didn't know that I could love Pierre this way)...it's something that I never really expected..." Now that I read it again, did I realize that it's true.

I know that people change as the years go by and sometimes, if you are in a relationship for as long as we have been, the romance will fizzle out. I can see the difference in how we treat each other before compared to today but one thing hasn't changed, though and I'm happy about it. Both of us, still profess our love for each other, be it in small ways that are only obvious to both of us or in ways where we shout it out to the world. It's corny, I know but sometimes, it helps to reaffirm our feelings to each other.

Boss, you're still the guy I met seven years ago. I don't regret the heartaches and the trials that came our way; we're stronger because of it.

I never realized that I sealed my fate when I kissed you that night at the beach. I love you.

Happy Birthday Pyertubs

I don't know how to say this especially since quite a few might read this entry. I'm sorry for not being there with you right now. Sometimes, life isn't fair at all but at times, it cannot be avoided. I know you understand what I mean.

Where do we go from here? I've thought about that constantly since the time that I left. After every thing that we have been through it seems that fate takes cruel pleasure in tearing us apart. I think you know what I mean. But despite all the heartache and struggle, fate was kind to us, albeit for only a few months.

Perhaps there is a purpose for this separation. I know the first time we were apart made us closer than we were before. It made us see our relationship in a different light and strengthened our love for each other.

I am not surprised to see that despite the distance, our love is still as strong as ever; maybe even stronger. It might seem like such an insignificant thing right now, but all our short talks almost daily is the highlight of my day. Your short messages, a ray of light to my somewhat dreary life.

I know I may sound so melodramatic but that's exactly how I feel. I sometimes stop and think about how I got so lucky to meet you. It seems like yesterday when we first went out together and yet it seems like I've known you for ages. You might not know it but I am proud to stand by you as your wife.

Our life may not be as perfect as what we would have wanted it to be but I know we can make it perfect. Sooner or later, we would be blessed and get what we deserve and I hope that it would be more than what we hoped for.

I may be melodramatic boss, but hey, we complement each other. I love you boss. Happy Birthday.

You and no other, the heart conquers all.

Credits

PMC DigiScrap Contest

Hi guys! A few days ago, Pinay Mommies Communities started a Digital Scrapping contest with the theme "My Self Portrait." Now we all know that when we become mommies, all our attention goes to our kids hence this contest is a way for us mommies to love ourself.

Technically, I'm not a mommy yet but this contest is open to Pinay mommies and wives. Please show your support to PMC and vote for us, well ME! :)

Check out the entries at Pinay Mommies Communities and vote for the best Digital Scrap at the sidebar. Thanks!

Weekly Fest: Lucky Me! Wacky Me!

It's another week guys and I finally found a wacky photo of me somewhere in my computer. I'm not usually one for posing wacky, that's my hubby's forte but fortunately, I found one.

credits

Unfortunately there no amusing stories that accompany this photo. I took this photo three years ago when I was discovering my own Narcissism. So sue me, it's a free world after all! Oh yeah, and I had curly hair.

This weeks fest is brought to you by
Beauty of Life | Money Maker | Creations

My Baby Sly

It has almost been three months since I last saw my baby Sly. I know this sounds crazy but this pup (I know he is a dog but I still call him a puppy) has been attached to me since his birth in 2004.

I've been pretty bent on spoiling him; letting him sleep on my tummy, letting him jump up in my bed, heck I think he even peed on it! It's a good thing that I placed a thick old blanket under him so my bed was safe. He is a permanent fixation in my room and despite the fur, I humor him. I even taught him how to open my door; well he pushes it when I say "open the door, Sly."

Pyertubs can attest to the fact that I am a bit partial when it comes to Sly and I do spoil him a lot. But that doesn't mean I don't care about mommy Shine. However, Shine is pretty much attached to Pyertubs; the traitor! How she became attached to Pyertubs will be blogged in another post because it doesn't fit with my ode to Sly.

Sadly, Sly is sick this past few months but hubby swears he is doing good. I hope he does, I can't wait for him to greet me when I get back! I miss his doggy smell, too!




Credits
Papers
Tammy Marks, Cool Ocean Breeze Kit
ScrapInge, Circling the Seventies Kit
Embelishments
Andrea Boyer, Verdant Kit
Marie Stones, Zoo Signs
kafrounette, Natural Kit
kaylek, Pastles Kit
Quote
Digi Designs by Nicole

Weekly Fest: The Good 'Ole Days

A new month is here and PMC is opening the month with a new hosting service and a new Weekly Fest.

This week's fest is sponsored by
Pinaymama's Diary, A Mother's Journal, Simple Life, Simply Me, and Pinay in States.

We didn't have a lot of snaps when we were still dating. Well, blame it on the fact that we were sneaking around for the better part of it and... you get the drift. hehehehe Not only that, but my lappy went haywire on me twice and I only managed to save a few old photos of us. It's sad, I know. I hate it when we are totally dependent on technology! Fortunately, pyertubs and I managed to produce a few memorable snaps to add to our, albeit thin, photo album.

A few occasions marked our photo opp moments. The main snap was done during my 21st birthday last 2005, before I left for the States. It was a bittersweet party for me because it was the first time I would be leaving him and embark on our short long distance relationship, which turned out to be what we really needed.

The other two snaps where taken around November of 2004, the year we were officially accepted to the family. The sneaking around had ended a few months prior to those shots, see how happy we were? The topmost snap was snagged when both of us went to the local fair (Carnabal in Bisaya) and rode the Octopus with a few members of my family. This was before he stole a kiss or two or three... I should say that this one was pretty memorable because we ended up at the SMC Emergency Room because my cousin's GF collapsed after the ride. In the bottom snap, we posed in front of the camera at Tejeros in Valencia. Nothing exciting happened there, though.

Ah, those where the days. I guess we should start posing more, eh?








Credits
Template
Shazbutt's Digi-Scrapz, Template #58
Papers
Carrie Stephens, Spontaneous Delight Kit
Juno, Summery
Embellishments
ScrapInge, Stamp Frames
Carrie Stephens, Spontaneous Delight Kit
Rachael's Scraps, Staples
Quote
Lynn Grieveson

Pyertubs & Z's Dream Wedding

It's finally here! We just got our wedding videos from Jim Ubalde and we watched it, albeit in different countries but what else can we do? When I got off the phone a few hours ago, I immediately checked out the uploaded videos. My cousin uploaded this for me and they were uploaded in segments. No matter, I still enjoyed it and reminisced.

I am still in a state of shock and disbelief every time I think about me being married. I know it's been five months since I got married but I only lived as a wife for only three of that five months.

Pyertubs and I were so happy when we finally got hitched (eh?). In fact, five years ago, we couldn't even imagine getting married. Seeing this video transported me into the past and see our day in slow motion.

Most of you might have read somewhere that our wedding day had a few bloopers. Sure, there was a freak black out that lasted from 3 PM to 11 PM, we messed up a few really important lines while saying our vows (all caught on tape), and to top that off, I was sick! Pyertubs didn't fare well either. On our day, he was seen hauling plastic chairs and arranging our house for the wedding after party.

Despite our wedding mishaps, we had a blast! But we wouldn't have done it without the help of Grace Sycip, our wedding stylist and the brainchild of The Creative Concepts. She helped make our wedding a success, definitely unique and very memorable. It was definitely a match made in wedding heaven when we teamed up because I had my ideas coupled with her expertise and other unique ideas, she pulled off a wedding that was simply amazing.

Wedding Introduction

Church and Reception

Pictorials

Weekly Fest: Memorable Kisses

I wouldn't call this kiss our most memorable kiss. True, this was taken on our wedding day and we were all smiles in spite of a few technical difficulties (the black out); but when I recall a memorable kiss, our first kiss comes to mind. I know it sounds corny and I know pyertubs would agree that it is corny but I just want to share that memorable experience.

I don't know if pyertubs planned it or not but that moment was like a scene out of a movie. It was dark, the full moon was at its peak and we were alone on a deserted beach. I don't remember the date exactly but I remember the place which I will be keeping a secret...for now.

We sat on one of the water breakers and started to talk quietly. I could hear the lapping of the waves and smell the salty breeze. It was perfect. I couldn't ask for a better moment.

It was at that moment when he stole a kiss from me! I was speechless! It seemed that the kiss turned my mind into mush. He just looked at me and then stole another kiss, and another, and another....

Benefactors are: Deranged Insanity, Traipsey Turvey, PierrEzrah, and ezrah photographs & scraps.

Credits
Papers:
Shazbutt's Digi-Scrapz, Little Star Kit
AG, Mystery Papers
Frames & Accessories:
Karine, The K-Kit
kafrounette, Natural Kit
Staples:

Rachael's Scraps, Staple2

Brushes:
Flower Swirls 2nd Ed.
Fresh Foliage
Quote:
notre amour conquiert tous (our love conquers all) by betterthanezrah
Photography:
Jim Ubalde

Long Distance Relationships

Long. Distance. Relationship. Those are three words that couples dread hearing. Picture this: person 1 is in the Philippines while person 2 is somewhere on the other side of the world. Mind boggling, I know but this phenomena is occurring to a lot of couples. Reasons for having LDRs (Long Distance Relationship) may vary but one thing remains a common denominator: it is difficult.

A lot of couples these days are forced to live apart to secure a better future for their family. Philippine economy has taken a drastic fall these days and prices have gone sky high. Families need to struggle to make ends meet and find other forms of sideline or work on the side just to get through the month: just like living from paycheck to paycheck. Other people are even selling off bodyparts and/or organs (and heaven knows what else!) just to have a quick fix to their current problems.

Maintaining a relationship is difficult enough and adding distance to the equation makes it even more difficult. I may not know statistics (they're just numbers anyway) regarding this phenomena but I know a lot of people who are going through this predicament right at this moment. Heck, I am one of those who is trying to make a long distance relationship work.

For some, LDRs are convenient. I mean, who doesn't want to have a stable relationship (of some sort) and still claim that he/she is single? It's complicated but many have been doing this for a long time. Some are married but when they leave their town, city, or even country; they start using their "single" persona. Scary, isn't it? We never know if a person we meet on the street is married or not! Heck, some might even date them, or worse, marry them! Not everyone wants to shout out loud that they aren't available. Although, I am not saying that everyone wants to have an illusion of being single.

Some even think that LDR fights are a breeze. You don't hear the nagging voice of a wife or the angry yells of a husband all night long. You can just turn off your cellphone, be invisible on your YM, yank the cord of your landline phone and you're all set. No one can reach you at all: especially your partner! Unfortunately, these antics can give you a one-way ticked to splitsville. Honestly, this isn't a good way to solve fights.

My hubby and I have been apart for almost three months now. That's even longer than we have lived as a married couple! True, we have been dating for almost seven years before we went ahead and tied the knot, but that is not the same as being married. Sure, we seldome have fights and we call each other everyday but it's still not the same.

Undoubtedly, modern technology has made our relationship work out fine so far. It is also quite easy to send a text message to my hubby just to tell him that I am thinking of him; he does the same as well. True, it can never compare to the real thing but we have to find other ways to show that we care.

Why am I blabbing about my marital problems? all over the blogosphere? No, I am not asking for your pity but I just want to let you know that this blogger, is trying to make a long distance relationship work.

I also want to share this article How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work. Just hop over there and read.

Image: Google Images

Weekly Fest: Mother and Child?

This weeks fest is centered on the theme "Mother and Child." Unfortunately, due to circumstances that cannot be controlled, we still don't have kids yet (give us a break, we're still 5 months into our marriage!) so I grabbed (literally) my hubby's nephew and posed for a photo op. When this pic was taken, Baby Johngee was about 15 months old (now he's 2) and we where hanging around my room playing with Stitch. He was pretty occupied with the stuffed Stitch and I immediately grabbed my camphone and took the shot (he's normally fussy when it comes to photos). Lucky for us, this snap was a keeper! Today, Baby Johngee can now pose like the rest of us but I can still remember the time when he was fussy!

PMC is a weekly meme hosted by Pinay Mommies Community.
This week's meme is brought to you by Mapiles.com and bloggista.com

Mitchteryosa Asks: Boys Night Out?

On July 19 Mitch asks "Do you allow your partner to go on a night out alone (means without you around)?"

So what would be my take on that? Well, I do allow him to go on a "boys night out." Of course, they usually end up back at my place and I happily join them once in awhile and end up being the only female in the group! Sometimes, he even drags me along and I really don't mind. They're a funny bunch to be with.
When we were still dating (and even when we got married), hubby usually asks tells me that he and his buddies will be going on a night out. Who am I to say no? I don't want him to think that I am possessive (even though I am!), so I let him do his thing. What I love about this arrangement is that I also get my ME time. I am a loner so I usually end up curled up with a good book or playing games which I cannot do (or try not to do) when he is around.
Guys also need time to be goofy with their buddies; whether it's a drinking session or jamming session, they want to have an off-limits-to-girls time where they can do whatever guy thing they want. I do draw the line when it comes to adding other women in the picture.
Thankfully, hubby tells me who he's with and what he is doing even though I don't ask him. It's like an unspoken rule originating way back when things were not that clear between us. In turn, I also tell him whenever I am with my friends or going somewhere without him.