I'll Be Home for Christmas...

if only in my dreams...

I used to listen to that song over and over again once December starts. Sang by The Lettermen, I never realized the true meaning of the words until I wasn't home for Christmas.

This Christmas, marks the second Christmas that I will spend away from home and now away from P. This would have been our first Christmas as husband and wife but we cannot control fate.

With Christmas just around the corner, I am filled with melancholy. Christmas songs always on the radio and Christmas commercials on T.V. is something that can make one sick especially if they spend Christmas away from home.

It's not gift giving and it's not the food but it is the being in the midst of your family that makes Christmas a special holiday for all of us. It might be because we Filipinos spend it differently from others, although maybe it is not that different for those who know the true meaning of the season.

My mom and I have been planning what to do during the holidays. We won't cook and I'm sure we won't decorate at all; these are just reminders of what we would have had where all of us are together. Lonely eh? But I do know that I will spend my Christmas in my dreams.

May your holidays be merry and bright. Merry Christmas!

I WANT TO QUIT!

Hmmmmm Time to "walk the talk"... And I'm starting with the Man in the Mirror... I have a really bad vice, and that is smoking! I've tasted my very first stick of cigarette when I was in Grade School ( Grade VI to be exact)... My Second stick was when I was in College... It has been on and off until I enrolled in Law School where I got hooked... There's no question about it, I'm Hooked... But I do smoke ethically (excuse? justification? nah, just hear me out), I don't smoke in front of my Parents (they do know I smoke), When I was living with my Parents I don't smoke inside the house... I don't smoke in other people's homes, unless they are smoking too... I don't smoke when there's a Baby or a Pregnant Woman near me.. Or when the people I'm talking to don't smoke I don't smoke.. I don't really have urges.. I don't go out in the middle of the night to light a cigarette.. Or stop what I am doing just to get a nicotine fix.. But I do smoke, theres no question about it and I'm not denying it.. I do know the ill-effects of smoking and as much as I want to QUIT, I can't... But I think I WILL! I think I smoke because I am insecure.. I smoke just to be able to fit in with the smokers.. And I thought smoking was cool! Well it was sort of a form of REBELLION.. But I realize I'm only damaging myself.. There was a time when I didn't smoke.. When I was in High School I didn't smoke.. I was an athlete..(so I say) I played soccer football, but when I quit playing when I was in 2nd Year College I started picking up this bad habit.. It was occasional though.. I only smoked when I was out drinking with friends..

Present... Now I smoke at least 6-12 sticks a day.. (I think) and more when I'm out drinking.. Since wifey is away (I'm not blaming her, this is all me), I have all the time on my hands which lead me to light up.. I need to quit now! When I think I still can.. I don't really see any benefit of continuing this bad habit.. It needs a lot of SELF-DISCIPLINE.. Which I think I don't have.. Realizing that this is a bad habit is a step though, and when you know its bad for you there's a tendency to shun away from it..

Let me just take it a day at a time.. Baby steps so they say.. And I just did the First Step, Realizing I don't Need this Habit, I can Live without this Habit.. Realization I think is the first step.. The next step would be finding ways/methods to facilitate the kicking of this Habit.. Wish wifey was beside me to guide/help me through this.. I've heard that withdrawal symptoms include Irritability, Cough and Colds, hmm I don't know what else..

I know I can't do this alone! Suggestions anyone?

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