Bachelorette Parties: The Basics

Bachelor parties have been a wedding tradition since the so-called Olden Days, when they gave the groom a chance to "sow his wild oats" before marriage. We are well out of that dark age (thank goodness!), and these days women celebrate imminent weddings with their closest pals too. Need some help with this night on the town? Read our complete bachelorette party guide.

Who Hosts?

Virtually anyone can host a bachelorette party. Often the maid of honor and bridesmaids, who are close to the bride, do the honors, but any friend, relative (a cousin, for example), or even coworkers who feel the urge can plan this party.

The Guest List

Shower guests must all be invited to the wedding, but this isn't necessarily true for bachelorette parties. Chances are that most bachelorette party guests -- who are generally the bride's best gal pals -- are wedding guests, too, but it's fine to invite coworkers or neighbors who may not be invited to a small or out-of-town wedding. Just be up front with them about your limited wedding guest list -- you don't want to disappoint any well-wishers. It's usually best to keep this party pretty small -- definitely under 20, and under 10 is probably ideal.

Decide on a Date

Steer clear of the night before the wedding -- the last thing the bride needs is a hangover! She'll be nervous enough; she shouldn't have to worry about getting sick. (The rehearsal dinner is usually scheduled for that night, anyway.) If the wedding is in a town other than the bride's hometown, you might want to have the party before she leaves; even if the wedding is local, party at least 2 or 3 nights before the big day.

Plan Ahead

One person can plan the entire bash, or several people (like the bridesmaids or the clique from college) can collaborate. Some bachelorette hosts ask for a donation from each guest or co-host, depending on the type of party -- whether you're renting a private room in a restaurant or taking everyone for an afternoon of spa treatments, for example. That contribution may range from $50 to $200, but the bride shouldn't have to contribute a dime. Be reasonable and don't go overboard -- you needn't put yourself in debt over this. A fabulous time can be had by all for little money.

Spread the Word

Store-bought invitations will do, or make your own with a desktop publishing program or paper, scissors, pens, and glue. Choose or design with a theme in mind, even if it's as simple as the bride's favorite color. Some hostesses forgo official invitations and just call guests a few weeks before the wedding -- it all depends on the type of party you're planning. If you need to make reservations for a show or other activity, you'll probably want guests to officially RSVP. If you'll be hanging out at the corner bar, scrap the invites -- a phone call is probably fine.

Party Time

Bachelorette parties are more laid-back and less structured than traditional bridal showers. There is no "typical" bash, though what usually comes to mind is a group of giggling girls dragging the bride from bar to bar (maybe encountering a sexy male stripper along the way) and making her blush in public. You can paint the town red if that's your style (or, more importantly, the bride's). But there are lots of other ways to celebrate -- a nice dinner at someone's house or a favorite restaurant, low-key dancing at a cool club, a concert (maybe Prince is in town and the bride absolutely adores him) -- the list is endless. The point is to reminisce, laugh, act goofy, and embarrass the bride at least a little (phallic props like wind-up mini penises are hilarious -- as long as she won't get completely offended!).

Tokens of Appreciation

The bachelorette party is not a gift party in the same way a shower is -- presents are not necessary. That said, this is a great opportunity for guests to give the bride silly gifts -- or even sexy ones (like the lingerie that was just too risqué for the shower). You might ask everyone to bring a gag gift (one guest we know presented the bride with a glamorous red wig to wear all night) or something hot -- a book about fabulous sex complete with diagrams, or perhaps a how-to video! Regression is another option -- give her candy necklaces or rings, bubbles, glitter, or a water gun. The goal is for the bride and her guests to just have fun before the wedding.

Ehemmm...guys! I'm giving out hints here! Who says the guys can only enjoy his last days of being single? hehehehehe :)

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From the files of

Wedding Guest List Etiquette and More

Wedding rules can vary from generation to generation, but some wedding rules for wedding invitation etiquette and bridal shower invitation etiquette never change.

First, uniquely elegant wedding invitations, custom-designed especially for you, will convey to your friends and family how wonderful that day will be. They also express to the invitees the general tone of the wedding whether it is formal, intimate, whimsical, spectacular, or low-key. One of the most important points of wedding invitation etiquette, however, is that your invitations communicate the details about the day's proceedings.

Next, wedding rules typically state that you should be clear in both language and meaning about times, locations, attire, activities, directions or anything else that may or may not be involved in your special day.

Finally, be sure to send out invitations well enough in advance of your bridal shower or wedding for your pending guests to plan accordingly.

The Guest List
Invitations should be decided once you have the guest list. Once the guest list and the budget are determined, you may have to make some adjustments to one or both to accommodate everyone.

Divide the Guest List
It might help to split the guest list; half for the bride's side and half for the groom's, or a third each between the bride's parents, the groom's parents, and the couple.

Try to Include Everyone
For a count of how many wedding invitations to send, you should make sure to include every couple, single guests, parents, and the person performing the ceremony.

Children Guests
If you're not sure about whether or not a child of an invited couple should receive his or her own invitation, a good rule of thumb is that any young guest over 16 years old should receive his or her own invitation.

Wedding Invitations and Children

When you've made the decision about whether you're going to invite children to your wedding or not. The first suggestion is to be specific with regards to the wedding invitations and children. If you choose not to invite children, address the envelope to Mr. and Mrs. Guest. If you want to have children, invite The Guest Family.If you're not inviting children and the guests RSVP with the children included, call them and politely and diplomatically discuss the situation with them. In fact, if you're going to have an adults-only reception, it may be a good idea to telephone all of the guests with children beforehand to ensure they understand. This is also a good way for you to gauge how many people will be inconvenienced by not bringing their children.Try to be understanding--your decision to not include children at your wedding can cause stress. On the other hand, your guests have to similarly understand that you're not trying to be discriminatory, but you are planning YOUR special day, and you want it to be perfect.The question for you must answer for yourself is: will it be more perfect with children or without?

Guests of Guests
Be clear about whether or not your guests can bring guests of their own, or you might be faced with the awkward situation of having them ask you.

Order Extra Wedding Invitations
Allow for errors, and expect that you will think of someone you had left outinitially. Ordering an extra 20% more invitations will cover for those possible unforeseen errors. In addition, try to account for mistakes by you, your bridal party or the calligrapher who will be addressing the invitations by ordering several extra envelopes.

Backup Wedding Guest List
Do not forget to have back-up lists ready. Some guests may decline, and it's a good idea to have a second list ready to fill those empty spots as they become available.